Tuesday, October 30

Mrs. Saleswoman

As you may know, I am selling candy for the simple price of one dollar to raise moolah for water polo. What you may not know is that I am a superb salesman. Here are a few of my foolproof tactics to use next time you reeeaally need to sell something-
    • Lure them in. Don't start right off saying you're selling _____ for $___. Instead phrase it like this- "Hey, you want some candy?" (do not imply it costs money) "Oh, sure!" "It's only a dollar!" "Well...alright." I'm telling ya folks, this tactic sold me about $10 worth of candy. They innocently get excited that you are kindly offering them ____, and get all hyped up. When you tell them it only (keyword) costs _____, they will happily oblige.
    • Play up the situation around you. Example- "Hey Mrs. Tapia! Happy Late Birthday!" "Oh, thanks sweetie!" "You're welcome! Would you like some post-birthday candy?" "Ohh...um..." "It's ONLY a dollar!" "Well, alright!" This is a true situation, friends. Happened in my Spanish class, which lead to Mrs. Tapia asking the whole class if they wanted candy from me. This sold me about 5 more candy bars. Caution: Only use this tactic on a nice teacher or one who is in a good mood.
    • Volunteer to pass back test papers. Carry around your product, and use the following format- (place someone's test on their desk) "Ohh, Ashley, minus ten. That's a big blow. How about some candy to console you through this hard time?" "Haahaa...alright." This tactic shows that you are a humerous, likeable person, and they will usually laugh and buy some. I used this tactic today. It worked eight out of 10 times, until Mrs. Farley told me to settle down.
    • Lunchtime is the best time for food products. Target people complaining of hunger, and offer them some _____ to fill that empty stomach.
    • Leave the product sitting on your desk. People are naturally curious and will ask what it is. "Hey Heather, what's in that bag?" "Snickers, M&M's, Skittles, and Peanut M&M's. You want some?" "Yeah!" (continue to follow Technique 1)
    • For staff members and adults, explain the cause and what a good benefit it would be for them and for you if they bought ____ for the LOW price of _____. For me, this is my speech: "Hi, Mr. Grams!" "Hello, Heather." "You're the tennis coach, right?" "Why, yes I am." "And a fine one you are. The price of participating in tennis is hefty, right?" "Correct." "Well, I am a dedicated water polo athlete, and the price is pretty darn large. Just as you would want your tennis players to succeed, I also want to succeed in water polo. One way I can achieve such a goal is by selling delicious candy bars to rasie money for my expenses as well as for the program. Would you like to help me out by buying some candy?" "Oh, well what a sweet girl you are. Sure, I'll buy some." This tactic works for two reasons- 1. You related to them. 2. You used large vocabulary.
    • If all else fails, breaking down in tears and saying that your parents are poor and can't afford water polo for you works quite well.

I'm telling you, all of the above tactics have worked like a charm. I even had 4 people tell me that I was a good salesman. THAT'S RIGHT, BOOYAH. (Did I honestly just say booyah?) So next time you are in a jam and no one is buying your _____, use thes amazing tactics. And watch the money fly into your hands.

Recipe for DELISH Pancakes

  • Your standard pancake mix
  • Bananas
  • Cinnamon
  • A dash of peanut butter (I'd call it a tablespoon)
  • A few chocolate chips (don't go overboard)

That's all there is to it to have a fiesta in your mouth. Try it.

Monday, October 29

What I Have Accomplished This Weekend

1 Dreamed about electronic Yahtzee
2 Cleaned the two foot pile of clothes covering my closet floor
3 Flung a giant cow tongue across a room with my teeth
4 Hung up Christmas lights for Halloween
5 Ate junk
6 Watched a video on Prussian Blue, sickening 14-year-old twin White Nationalist girls who have a racist band that sings about how white people need to dominate the world (it is wrong and mean and creepy what these girls sing about. i do NOT agree with the positive things said about them on their website. so don't think that i am a supporter. plus, their voices are ugly.)

What a productive weekend, I know.

Friday, October 26


After this one's done, watch the one on "related videos" where she's in a little green shirt. SHE IS SO SMART!

Thursday, October 25

I'm Ready.

Five Day Weekend.

Bring it on.


(ryan just informed me that he filmed an episode of his show. i.e, he met bethany hamiltion. AWHATTHE?? i asked when i would be guest starring on the show...he only laughed. and said when i become a pro athlete. dzang it. to this day, with all the movies he has made....his dear aspiring starlet sister is left in the cold, without even a background role. but i'm not bitter.)


cake club bonding

yesterday--first cake club meeting
zeinah and i--six junior/senior guys
they are somewhat dorky--we had a connection
we ate chocolate cake--one guy's mom baked 4 cherry cakes
C.A.K.E. is a secret acronym--it stands for California Association for Kids Education
but that was only to get it approved by the school board--all we do is sit and eat cake
zeinah and i are planning some cake relay races--so the meetings dont get boring
i am so pumped--too bad we missed vegan/DIY club
i can foretell a sacred bonding--with our 6 fellow cake club members
get ready--get set
this year--is going to be great.

Sweet Sixteen

Happy Late [[Birthday]] Carson Leith!

i hope it was magical. i only saw you like twice.
once delusionally at 5:40 in the morning.
once at school.
oh, and once at nighttime.

but even though barely anyone knew that today was the day,
i hope that you knew that your dear sister was spreading the word.

this is an awkward post.

Wednesday, October 24




but not really. because its sad why its closed.

[mixed emotions]

Monday, October 22

Sunday, October 21


This really should be a commercial...these little girls are the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

Friday, October 19

open up...save yourself...walk right out...begin to melt...

listening to dark house/forgot how good it was
shivers up my spine/pride swelling in my heart
carson has a good voice/jason is a good keyboardist
i love sun from shadow/can't wait for the cd release
my family is all going to be famous/real soon
jason and carson will be rock stars/ryan will be a famous filmmaker
shannon will be a rockin photographer/my mom will be a rad writer
jason will have paintings in museums/my dad will...do something great
what about me?/someday.

Lesson Learned

scrimmage today | i learned something
knew water polo was aggressive | never actually experienced it
it happened today | never again
girl i was blocking wouldn't let go of my suit | i was struggling to stay up
do i punch her? | do i let her keep going?
i didn't know the rules | it was awkward
pried her off | she grabbed again
got tired from treading to stay up | out of breath
shoved me aside | pissed me off
wanted to scream | had to calm myself
she got yelled at by coach | i was smiling inside
next time | she'd better watch out
heather is comin' | i will not be pulled down by her
can't wait to get our new tight suits | literally
my eyes have been opened | you can't be a sissy
never again | watch out world

Wednesday, October 17

Dear Buisness Owners/Adults,

Are you ready?
No, seriously.
I have possibly the most exciting news ever that I KNOW you want to hear.
yes, YOU
can help me
and Trabuco Hills High school
to achieve great things.
As you are well aware, I am in water polo.
As you are also probably aware,
water polo comes at a hefty price.
It costs a lot.
For just $80, you can purchase an "advertising ball,"
which is a flat water-polo ball shaped plaque
that will hang on the Trabuco campus
for all to see.
Yeah, it sounds lame.
But I'm not even done.
This plaque will say your business name and info
which all of the water polo spectators will view,
THEREFORE, getting the name of your business out there!
And not just to students.
Oh no.
To parents, children, relatives, and anyone who comes to THHS to watch water polo or swimming.
But that's not all.
Your $80 dollars won't just go to the school board or some lame place.
$40 dollars will go to the water polo program
and $40 will help pay for all of my expenses!
Or, if you don't have a business and would just love to contribute, then I would also appreciate that just as much.
Now, let's review the benefits in store.


  • TONS of publicity for your business, which means more money for you.
  • The pride of a job well done
  • Knowing that you are helping me succeed in water polo
  • Helping the school!
  • $40 dollars less to pay for the loads of expenses!
The benefits are endless. I would really appreciate if you could help me out this year in water polo, so if you would like to purchase an advertising water polo ball or know anyone that would, then let me know, and I will love you forever!

Heather Leith

Ya Don't Do That.

[Time: 5:40 AM]

It's time. 5:40. My daily wake up time.
I drag myself out of bed, dreading every inch of movement away from my warm bed.
I pull on a sweatshirt
and thump downstairs to eat breakfast.

[Cereal of Choice: Special K Red Berries]
I groggily pour myself a bowl and sit down at the computer, the florescent light blinding me.

[Website of Choice: www.zeinster.blogspot.com]
Waiting for the page to load, I dwell on how tired I am, and what a bizarre dream I just woke up from.
I view Zeinah's latest post.
Thank the {lord} for this late start day.
i'm about to keel over from lack of sleep, including a few delusional nights."

I am suddenly alert.
Late start day.
Is today.
That I am up
at 5:40
in the wee hours of the morning
while it is still dark
when really
i don't have to be up
for another

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!?!?!?!?!??!
I sit in shock. I cannot even believe that I am up,
wasting precious sleep.
I quickly finish my Special K
and walk upstairs
and slam my door
and flop in bed
and bury myself with covers
and try to sleep
but now I am wide

I end up falling asleep, but it wasn't as glorious.
Well, thank you Zeinah, for reminding me.
I would have been standing at the front door,
ready to go,
only to discover
I should have been in bed.


Monday, October 15

"My first day as a woman, and I'm already getting hot flashes."

{{Mrs. Doubtfire}}
I love it so much.
Everytime it's on ABC Family (which is like every day), I watch it. Every time. No exceptions. I am a watch-a-movie-read-a-book-a-billion-times-it-never-gets-old kind of gal. So naturally, since I believe I have watched Mrs. Doubtfire an accumulative of about a billion times, I shall share my favorite quotes.

Daniel- I'm a raptor
doin' what I can
gonna eat everything
till the appearance of man
yo, yo see me
i'm livin' below the soil
i'll be back
but i'm comin' as OIL.

Mrs. Doubtfire- Oh the terrorists! They ran that way. It was a run-by fruiting.

Daniel- I just want to know one thing. Are your kids well-behaved? Or do they need like, a few light slams every now and then?

Chris- He's a she! She's a he- he's a she-she!

Daniel- Look, I'm a hot dog. (contorts to bizarre position)

[unfortunately, i can only think of five...can anyone help me out?]

Sunday, October 14

Recipe For Success

7 scented candles
1 bottle of water
1 bag of Goldfish
3 writing utensils, just in case
1 Odyssey Book
1 brainstorm sheet
1 amazing playlist
1 determined Heather
1 friend named Joanna with good study techniques

Finished Product: One completed outline.

Friday, October 12




We're talking a show about inside the lives of pro athletes or something like that.
It involves going to Maui to film Bethany Hamilton.
And chilling with Kyle Loza and other pro humans like that.
And Ryan having his own camera crew that he tells what to do.
And his name being on the credits.
Because he's going to like write the script or whatever.

He just RANDOMLY told me...and I am freaking out.

I am so proud of him.

Thursday, October 11

ahhh sorry

i'll post more when i have more time...

i feel so bad.

and i am bugging myself by not posting substantially for like a week...

Monday, October 8

Post Number 300!

Three people I would like to see and visit when they are one hundred years old
>>Mr. Giraud and Mr. Fallman
>>Pierce Larsen

Get it? 100 plus 100 plus 100 equals 300!! (i was really desperate.)

[three] .zero. {zero}

Look what I learned to do!


¡Buenas tardes! ¿Qué tal? ¿De dónde eres? Amo jugar agua polo. Mi color preferido es amarillo. ¡Ahora muy me energizan!

hooray i can type in spanish! with accents and puncuation! ´¿¡´!?¿¿¿¿¿¡¡¡¡¡¡¡´´´´´´´

if you know what it says, you win...
my heart.

(this is such a haphazard post)

It's there if you want it...

...but the music will not come on automatically.

I have listened to you, the people, and catered to your music needs.


Sunday, October 7

¡Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

I choose NOT to put any stereotypical cliche Canadian phrases here, because no one actually uses them in Canada. I will stay true to my roots.

Tip: Don't say "eh" and think you're relating to me. Because people rarely say it.
| | / \ | |
| | |\/ \/| | |
| | \ _ _ / | |
| | \ / | |
| | )( | |

HEY! This WAS a Canadian Flag made out of symbols...but when I published it, it got ruined.
R.I.P. My computer made flag



a plethora of thoughts for you

>>i saw coach kroegman and her husband at vons! she and my mom chatted it up, and the coach herself referred to me as Spiderlegs.
>>my mother awkwardly told her how i blog about water polo every day.
>>the leiths are proud owners of this keyboard. i love it. it's as thin as a coaster. those cardboard ones.
>>the odyssey is NOT a good book.
>>every time grease is on ABC Family, i turn it on at the same part- rizzo singing that sad song in the halls of rydell high, and then its the Big Race, and then graduation. every single time. why?
>>he looks like a bear. fruit of the loom for meee.
>>i thought juju was a hallucination. but i guess he's real??
>>getting good groceries is satisfying.

Friday, October 5

Happy Birthday Zeinah!

------| the big one five |-------

beautiful. entrancing. gorgeous.