Tuesday, October 30

Mrs. Saleswoman

As you may know, I am selling candy for the simple price of one dollar to raise moolah for water polo. What you may not know is that I am a superb salesman. Here are a few of my foolproof tactics to use next time you reeeaally need to sell something-
    • Lure them in. Don't start right off saying you're selling _____ for $___. Instead phrase it like this- "Hey, you want some candy?" (do not imply it costs money) "Oh, sure!" "It's only a dollar!" "Well...alright." I'm telling ya folks, this tactic sold me about $10 worth of candy. They innocently get excited that you are kindly offering them ____, and get all hyped up. When you tell them it only (keyword) costs _____, they will happily oblige.
    • Play up the situation around you. Example- "Hey Mrs. Tapia! Happy Late Birthday!" "Oh, thanks sweetie!" "You're welcome! Would you like some post-birthday candy?" "Ohh...um..." "It's ONLY a dollar!" "Well, alright!" This is a true situation, friends. Happened in my Spanish class, which lead to Mrs. Tapia asking the whole class if they wanted candy from me. This sold me about 5 more candy bars. Caution: Only use this tactic on a nice teacher or one who is in a good mood.
    • Volunteer to pass back test papers. Carry around your product, and use the following format- (place someone's test on their desk) "Ohh, Ashley, minus ten. That's a big blow. How about some candy to console you through this hard time?" "Haahaa...alright." This tactic shows that you are a humerous, likeable person, and they will usually laugh and buy some. I used this tactic today. It worked eight out of 10 times, until Mrs. Farley told me to settle down.
    • Lunchtime is the best time for food products. Target people complaining of hunger, and offer them some _____ to fill that empty stomach.
    • Leave the product sitting on your desk. People are naturally curious and will ask what it is. "Hey Heather, what's in that bag?" "Snickers, M&M's, Skittles, and Peanut M&M's. You want some?" "Yeah!" (continue to follow Technique 1)
    • For staff members and adults, explain the cause and what a good benefit it would be for them and for you if they bought ____ for the LOW price of _____. For me, this is my speech: "Hi, Mr. Grams!" "Hello, Heather." "You're the tennis coach, right?" "Why, yes I am." "And a fine one you are. The price of participating in tennis is hefty, right?" "Correct." "Well, I am a dedicated water polo athlete, and the price is pretty darn large. Just as you would want your tennis players to succeed, I also want to succeed in water polo. One way I can achieve such a goal is by selling delicious candy bars to rasie money for my expenses as well as for the program. Would you like to help me out by buying some candy?" "Oh, well what a sweet girl you are. Sure, I'll buy some." This tactic works for two reasons- 1. You related to them. 2. You used large vocabulary.
    • If all else fails, breaking down in tears and saying that your parents are poor and can't afford water polo for you works quite well.

I'm telling you, all of the above tactics have worked like a charm. I even had 4 people tell me that I was a good salesman. THAT'S RIGHT, BOOYAH. (Did I honestly just say booyah?) So next time you are in a jam and no one is buying your _____, use thes amazing tactics. And watch the money fly into your hands.


Anonymous said...

ill be using that tomorrow. and dont expect me to buy from you anymore!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that large vocabulary gets us adults every time. That, and the old "open bag on the desk" routine, which gets me throwing dollar bills in the bag every time I walk by, practically.

I'm proud of my entrepreneur/saleswoman/waterpolo daughter.


rachel kalei. said...

hehe. you crazy girl.

Anonymous said...

Hi Heather,

Candy, candy candy....calories, calories, calories. Don't even try to work your magic on me! I don't think it would work, but who knows????

Love your techniques, however. Amazing!


Maxdoggie said...

ha ha ha! nice Heather! good tactics, if only i had things to sell! =) by the way, i actually used tactic one & six & seven! they surprisingly worked out for me. ;)