Wednesday, January 30

dear locker, you're tacky and i hate you.

seriously, my dear locker, 3509, you need to be kinder. did you know that this is what i do EVERY DAY?:

1. Come to locker at given time of day (morning, snack, passing period...)
2. Put in combination.
3. Pull lock open- BUT HARK.
4. It opens an unsatisfactory HALF way. Not all the way. Half. So that I can't take the lock off and open my locker and get on with my day.
5. Locker, I then proceed to open and close and open and close my lock approximately 256 times (i counted once), until you decide to open when your little metal heart feels like it.
6. But that's not the only thing, lock. You don't always open.
7. Sometimes you don't unlock fully, even AFTER I open and shut you and re-do the combination 256 times.
8. Lock, you don't even open after I kick you 4 times and call you stupid and say I hate you.
9. You don't even open when everyone around me stares and I have to stop and explain your stupid redundant mannerisms.
10. You don't even care that today you took fifteen minutes to open. That's called THE WHOLE SNACK, locker. And I don't appreciate that. This is what I look like- except I ain't smilin'.
11. You also don't care that I stood at you today like trying to open you FOREVER after water polo, at like 5:00 at night. I was cold. And it was dark. Do you care? NO.
12. Hey locker! Carson had to come pull with all his might on you tonight for like a minute till you opened. that just ain't right.

So guess what, locker? i traded YOU for my ugly PE locker. but at least it OPENS at my will. you probably added a half an hour to my day today, just standing at you. and i do NOT forgive you.

It's Been Real. (that's a lie)
-Heather Christianne Leith IV


mkr mouse said...

That's very sad and kind of amazing ish.
If Carson couldn't have opened it though, you could have had a Leith brother reunion to work on it!

Maxdoggie said...

brilliant poem. i couldn't help, but laugh half-way. I can actually imagine this happening in my mind.